I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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