so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
