i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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