So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
