Betty ford says i'm here all night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
