I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
