based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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