I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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