Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
