i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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