Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
