I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
