She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
