who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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