I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
