it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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