i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize