A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
