I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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