remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
