i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
