I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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