My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize