before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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