dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
