I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
