dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
