my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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