First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
