He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
