6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
