i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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