My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
