I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
