he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
