She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
