i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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