Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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