He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
