I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
