So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
