i wish starbucks made bloody marys
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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