Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
