pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
