So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
