May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
