you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
