he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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