Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
