I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize