Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
