you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
