CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
