I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
