Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
