I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
