I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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