margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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