I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
