I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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