I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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