I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize