If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
