Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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