I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
