My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
