drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
