there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
