porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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