He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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