What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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