It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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